Thursday, February 18, 2010
News Story #1
“Drunken Senior Citizen plows car through Store and stills asks for Beer”
Yesterday evening, a drunken elderly woman plowed her car through a convenience store and afterward awkwardly tried to buy a 6-pack of beer.
The senior citizen, a 74-year old woman named Lynne Rice of Norwalk, was driving her 1988 Cadillac when the vehicle went crashing through the convenience store, Joe’s Food Mart and Video in Norwalk in Los Angeles County. The storeowner, Mr. Joe Awada, stated that upon exiting the vehicle, Rice walked over to the cooler, pulled out a 6-pack of Budweiser beer, and tried to buy it.
“I don’t know how she managed to walk,” said Awada. He further stated that a cashier refused to sell her the 6-pack and instead called the police who arrived promptly.
Police Lt. Han said that Rice was then taken to a hospital where she was taken in for examination for a medical condition she has. Afterwards, the authorities said Rice was arrested for investigation of misdemeanor driving under the influence and was later released on a $15,000 bail.
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Oops, you need to look ahead and read the legal sections of the textbook and the AP Stylebook. You don't ever want to call someone a drunk in print. That's likely to get you sued for libel. Just stick to the facts: report that the woman was "arrested for investigation of misdemeanor driving under the influence."
ReplyDeleteYou've also muffed your lead -- always start your lead with "what" happened, not "when" it happened.
* You don't have to tell me she's a "senior citizen" -- just give her age.
* Never use "state" when you can use "said" -- keep it simple and neutral. Ex.: The store's owner, Joe Awada (no "Mr."), said Rice got out of the vehicle, walked over...
Instead of "He further stated that," just say, ... said Awada, who added that a cashier refused to sell her the six-pack and instead called the police.
11/15