Thursday, February 18, 2010

News Story #2: Fact Set 1&2

Fact Set #1:

“Construction car loses control coming down hill and crashes into car killing 1 and injuring 3”


Earlier this afternoon, a construction car lost control coming down hill and crashed into a sports utility vehicle in the parking lot of grocery store in San Mateo.

According to San Mateo police Captain Kevin Nguyen, the crash occurred at 1:15 p.m. in Mollie Stone’s Grocery store parking lot when the driver of the construction car “apparently had some type of mechanical failure” while it was coming down 43rd Avenue, a residential street that dead end’s at the grocery store’s parking lot.

Upon losing control the car crashed through the parking lot striking a black sports utility vehicle, dragging it 75 feet along with eight-nine other vehicles, and leaving the parking area a mess of shattered glass and crushed vehicles.

One victim, a driver of one of the vehicles that was hit, was pronounced dead at the scene. Another victim, a pedestrian, was also hit but only injured, while two other people were also injured. One of the three injured citizens was taken to Stanford Hospital by helicopter while the other two were driven away by ambulance.

The names of the construction driver and the four victims have yet to be officially identified by the authorities.


Fact Set #2:
“Seatbelt saves lucky driver from Devil’s Slide crash”


A motorist survived a horrific crash today, thanks to his seat belt, when he accidentally drove off a 150-foot cliff at Highway 1 at Devil’s Slide.

The driver, a 24-year old San Francisco resident whom has yet to be identified, was driving his Mazda Sedan in dense fog at 4:10 a.m. heading north towards San Francisco when he accidentally missed a turn and drove off the side of the cliff.

Amazingly the car landed upright on its wheels and the driver, whom was wearing his seatbelt, only sustained minor head injuries. Upon his “landing” the man used his cell phone and dialed 9-11 for help.

The highway was then closed for two hours in both directions, as rescue crews with the California Highway Patrol and Cal Fire had difficulty finding the stranded motorist in the dense fog. The rescuers eventually discovered him 45 minutes later, when they rappelled down the cliff side. They then pulled the man up from his vehicle, in a protective cage, and he was taken to San Francisco Hospital for observation.

His only visible injury was a bump on the head, according to CHP Sgt. Trent Ross. “He did what he was supposed to do; he wore his seatbelt,” said Ross who further added that if it had not been for his seatbelt during the crash, “there is no doubt it would have been fatal.”

1 comment:

  1. 1) Fact error! It was a construction truck, not a car. And don't start your lead with when it happened; start with what happened.

    0/10 - please revise

    Here's what I'd like you to do: No more headlines! I think you're blowing your wad on the headline, and that's getting in the way of writing a good lead.

    2) OK, this one's better, but please lay off the opinion words (horrific, amazingly). They don't belong in a news story.

    If you do a good job of describing what happened, you won't have to tell me it was amazing that the driver survived. I'll be able to figure that out myself. You need to trust your reader to figure out these kinds of things ... as long as you give them all the pertinent information.

    * who (not whom) has yet to be identified
    * The rescuers discovered him 45 minutes later ("eventually" is redundant)

    8/10

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