An Alarming Event
Fire-fighters are known for putting out house fires, forest fires, car-fires, but you wouldn't expect them to put out birthday candle fires.
That’s right, a women’s group of the First United Methodist Church, in Tulsa Oklahoma, were celebrating the birthday of a woman named Mabel McCullough who turns 95 on September 27 when they were unexpectedly interrupted by a group of fire fighters who arrived at the house.
Apparently, the carrot cake they served to McCullough had 95 candles on it and upon blowing them out, with the help of the guests, there was so much smoke that it actually set off the smoke alarm.
“There wasn’t an inch to spare. By the time we had them all lit it looked like a torch” said Eddi Carlin, one of the guest at the party, “We had just sat down to eat when we saw them (the firefighters) in the doorway.”
As a result of the alarm, five engines, two ladder companies, and 24 fire fighters arrived at the house promptly only to find 95 burnt out candles.
“In my 23 years on the job, I’ve seen a lot of things set off an alarm, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard of one going off because of a birthday cake,” said Fire Chief Lonnie Lamb.
The fire fighters didn’t stick around for any birthday cake but they did have their pictures taken with McCullough.
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I think this is an example of a question lead that doesn't quite work. Too long, too much expository info, not very attention-getting. Try another approach.
ReplyDelete* Sept. 27
* unexpectedly (not "un-expectantly")
* like a torch,” said Eddi (not Eddie: you got her name wrong. That's a fact error.)
* shorter paragraphs, please. (1-2 sentences, not 3-4)
* make each quote its own paragraph
0/15 - fact error, please revise
Oh, yes, this is much better!
ReplyDelete0+10=10/15